Sept 13

September 13

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 Bryan in Tulsa!!

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Boccia tourney is tomorrow and as the 29th seed out of 30 I feel strong!!  I am steroid free and I have passed all other possible drug tests!!  Myself and another super Boccia player from the Center have been removed from team competition and will only play singles!! We have a nervous problem that turns into a flatulence problem during the team competition!!  We will just cheer our teams on from the way, far away sidelines!!!

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Notes:

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NFL Oakland Raders Martavis Bryant has been placed on the drug suspension list for one year!!   Sacrificing a 4 million dollar 2018 paycheck again.  If I were told I would have to give up fiber bars and holiday peanut M&Ms to keep a 4 million dollar salary, I would give the munchies to the grandkids and collect 4 million bones!!

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B in T getting a lot of requests for Noodling coverage!!  B in T went to Kingfisher, Oklahoma last year!!  I wore my size 13 Converse hi-top shoes and a giant Catfish (known as ’Jaws’) bit my shoe and my little toe!!  I swear!  I had one stitch put on my little toe and had to wear my house slippers to work out at the Center!!  Very humiliating!!  Unless we get a huge sponsor, no more Noodling for B in T!!  I am looking into some cow patty tossing or cow tipping!  Really!

Why did Kansas University fire, Mangino?  It was unproven that he actually tried to eat a small walk-on receiver!!  He had just signed a huge contract with one of Oprah’s 5 diet plans!! Then boom he was gone, fired!!  Since that awful day in Lawrence, the football team has lost sixty right road games in a row!!!  At Kansas University the football staff has gone through 6 coaches and soon to be 7, 2 athletic directors and seventy cases of Tums!!!  The new athletic director, Jeff Long, has some serious coaching contacts, such as Bret Bielema and Les Miles!!!  A current Professors at KU (not Dr. Wehmeyer) wrote a letter to the Editor requesting that the football team cease operations and save the University millions of dollars!!  My approach would be to give the money to basketball stud Coach Self for more hair product!!  

B in T, as a long time Tulsa native and Philanthropist, I am often asked what is going to be built where Miss Jacksons and Petty’s Fine Expensive Foods were located??!!  It has been vacant for 2 fuurrricking years!!  Can we not bring back the Etcetra House, or Mary Ruby Shop, Irene Herbert, Furrs, Piccadilly, Brown Duncans or even Renbergs!!!  Helmerichs, we don't need some fancy east coast shops with skinny jeans or a three-story cross fit combo Pilates workout facility!!We need Tulsa stuff thar!!  When I take my family to Light Ons on Thanksgiving night,  I’d best see a Pancake House or a Homeland under construction!!

Ok back to sports!!

I would like to request Oklahoma State and T Boone upgrade their 2018 123rd toughest non-conference schedule!!  In 2019 B in T would like to see Tulsa, Jenks, and Cushing on the schedule instead of more Tinkerbells!!!

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College Football picks!!

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Oklahoma 37. Iowa State 27

Oklahoma was upset by the Cyclones in Norman last year!!  Revenge is sweet for Sooner Nation, as their quiet and unassuming QB Murray, plants the OU flag in the middle of the Clone field!  The Iowa State team was in their locker room but their equipment managers and some cheerleaders chased the Sooner out of Ames!!

Tulsa 38  Arkansas State 24. 

Tulsa has been licking its wounds all week since Texas loss.  A decent crowd of 17,000 was astonished when TU brought back a bigger and much louder cannon!!!

The cannon is shot off after each TU score and has not been used in 8 years due to fans complaining of earaches!!  The TU cannon is being used again against the protest of many elderly Hurricane Club members!!  The initial cannon fodder shot caused numerous nacho cheese spills for the elder Hurricane fans!!  Dry cleaning bills were in the hundreds of thousands and Yale Cleaners had its best month ever!!  True story!!

Oklahoma State 38  Boise State 31

Boise State players were shocked when Pistol Pete Cowboy and the Boise State Bronco, mascots, met at midfield and reenacted the hit song by Big and Rich. , ”Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”!!

South Florida 37 Illinois 31

B and T UPSET SPECIAL!!!  

Illinois Coach Lovie is one step closer to moving to retirement in the Utica Square/Gathering Place area!!  My 2 Illinois, B in T fans need to suck it up until Mike Ditka becomes head coach!!

Arkansas 41. North Texas 27

The Mean Green of North Texas is led by Mason Fine from Locust Grove, Oklahoma whom I must hear about him not being recruited by my Golden Hurricane for fuurricking ever!!!  Coach Seth Littrell is doing more with less than any other coach in D1!  The Hog mascot  ” Oinky ” was hit in the head by a blow gun shooting T-shirts!!  The fake hog head saved his life!!

Ohio State 38 TCU 27 

Coach Meyer of Ohio State was caught calling plays while dressed as Bucky the Ohio State mascot!!  He was given a harsh 2 practice suspension!!  Wow, what a harsh penalty for the choir boys from Columbus!!

Texas Tech 35 Houston 34

The Tech athletic director and Board of Directors were on the field towards the end of the game, with the intent of relieving Coach Dreamy Kingsbury of his duties!!!  But, and I do mean a big but, Tech’s walk-on kicker from Brazil kicks a 61-yard field goal as time expires!!  Last minute pardon from the Governor of Texas!!

Texas 34  USC. 31

Texas coach Hermann had a coaches meeting Friday night at an establishment called ’Legs and Eggs’, which serves free breakfasts to all Longhorn coaches!!!  Both teams suck but Texas needed the win more!!

Auburn 38. LSU 21

The only thing I know about LSU is that their Coach Ed Ogoren is not an actor, example: the movie ’Blindside’!!

High School picks!!

OC Millwood 37. Cascia Hall 20

OC Millwood has 5 D1 prospects and has more speed than any Class 3A team!!  

Bixby 42 Putman City 0

Bixby linebackers are bigger than some Putman City lineman!  Plus no one on the Putman City team can rope a steer in under 9 seconds!!  

Bishop Kelley 33 Memorial 12

Kelley’s all-star Offensive Line had their Thursday team dinner at a poor soul BK mom’s home!!  The team of sixty went through a cow, 2 pigs and forty chickens!!  Next was the main course!!

Berryhill 31 Cushing 22

Cushing QB Wil Moyer throws for over three hundred yards in a losing effort!!

Mom O Meter.  Cushing 9.77 Berryhill 9.70   The competition this week was not, mud wrestling, pie sales or hog calling!!  This week’s competition is farm animal grooming!!!  With Cushing known as the Future Farmers of America Capital of the Midwest, numerous cattle and pigs were cleaned bright and shiny!!  The Cushing groom team was given the win for using glow in the dark bows for each piggy!!!

B in T mom and pop restaurant is the Steer Inn Family Restaurant at 1340 E Main St!!!!  If you eat their 72 ounce super beefeater steak and 5 calf fries, your whole table eats for free!!  Commercial brand plungers recommended!!

Wagoner 42 Fort Gibson 18

Fort Gibson team was late to the Thursday team meeting!!  They were excused because some were at a Junior Fishing tournament at Fort Gibson Lake!!

Let’s get our priorities straight coach!!

INFC games!!

Pryor Blue 2nd grade 18 Claremore 8

The Claremore team brought their giant inflatable Zebra head for the kids to run on to the field!!  The Claremore dads enthusiastically used a John Deere 3 ton smoke blower which caused a thirty minute delay to clear the smoke!!

Bixby Platinum Aqua 6th grade 25 Grove Mud Hens 6th grade 12

Bixby Platinum moms decided to build arm tunnels for their young men to frolic through after the win over the Mud Hens from Grove!!  The Bixby players were embarrassed and refused to partake in the tunnel but an eager group of Mud Hens ran through!!  Players from both teams received a sample size cinnamon toothpaste from Dr. Stephens DDS!!!  

NFL

Saints 31 Browns 17

Baker Mayfield was 13 for 13 in sideline warmups!!

Chiefs 27 Steelers 24

The new stars, Mahomes and Hill, show the old regime, Rothlensbugar and no show Bell, how it is done!!

B in T words of wisdom:

Never wear spandex blue and gold striped pants to a Tulsa tailgate party and not expect to get a chuckle!!

Have a blessed week!!  Pray for the Carolinas!

Chase your dreams, setbacks may happen, keep chasing!!

B in T

Sponsors:

Andre Tourihno, Golf and Fitness Expert, Southern Hills

Colin Magruder, Mtg Broker, Evolve Bank

Speedling Inc., Leon Zinc III

Uncle Thurston, Dallas, Tx

Steve’s Happy Dog Home, Sherri Watson

Christina Morrill, United Country Landrum Realty, Inc. 

Chris Taylor, sports writer FanSided

Bob’s Bail Bonds and Car Wash (Chicago, IL)

Big Brother Bill’s Psychic Palm Reading and Bed & Breakfast (Tulsa, OK)

MR Bait, Fishing Tackle and Homemade Fudge Shop (Boulder, CO)

Weh’s Wiener Wagon and Dry Cleaners, Lawrence, Kansas

T-Brew’s Cockroach Farm and Pizza Palace, Tulsa, OK

Dr. Richard Stephens DDS

Roy Thomason Retired Sigma Chi TU

Richard Bartley, Retired old fart, Calvary Portfolio Services

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INFC picks!!

NFL picks!

B in T